What you think of me is none of my business

I recently had a brief chat via on line with one of my old friends I hadn’t spoken to since I last saw her in Tokyo this past Spring. She was concerning about her daughter’s school work as all responsible moms do. She said their conversations always end up in an argument. She also wants her daughter to take advantage of the school’s exchange student program ( to see outside the country), but her daughter is not interested in going abroad as her mom wants her to do. Having a teenage daughter myself, I understand how she feels.

“Our gal’s got very motivated now. She’s in college preparation mode. It has been so busy we don’t even have the time to argue. She is leaving us only in two years. ” I wrote.

“Sounds energetic. We’re relaxed. But it’s not like I argue because I’ve got nothing to do. I might not be so good at communicating with her” she replied. She sounded as if she misunderstood me. I was only talking about my situation, but not about her. I know she is a good busy working single mom of two and she has my respect.

“I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry! My gal was working most days this summer, if not, surfing, going out with her friends, practicing sports with her dad or doing her homework. The only time I can talk with her is when I’m driving her. But I was merely preaching to her, and never listened to her. I know she hated it, because she rarely responded. I made her cry many times too. I was being bossy just because I’m her mother. I didn’t know any other way to speak with her. Nobody can change anyone, even ones child, but if I change, people around me or situation will change. Since we’ve got our puppy, I’m better with expressing my love towards her too. Now I can talk with her like I do with grownups. I enjoy chatting with her. I guess she’s grown up also! ” I explained, then I changed the subject to about the celebrity I just met…

I wondered if she got offended by the mistake, but I didn’t ask her.

Later the day, I got to think about how we sometimes take someone’s remark offensively. You might say that the person has hurt you in the past, and that it was self-defense to think that way. But if you really examine your old pain, listen to your inner-child’s voice, you might realize it was yourself making you upset. Worrying how other people think of you, or you thought the person didn’t love you back or disrespect you. That negative feeling is so toxic and it would only make us upset, and unhappy. Unless that person actually said something in person, it’s probably only in your head. Even if someone said some thoughtless comments about you, or yelled at you in public, that’s their problem, not yours. You don’t know what that person is going through, maybe it was her unbalanced hormone or that person had been under stress. So you want to keep your compassion, and offer what help you can, but you don’t want to take the negative energy from them. Everyone has their own issues to deal with because that’s life. Helping your friends is a good thing but you must take care of yourself and your family first. When you love yourself, you take care of yourself better, you’re happy and you can love others too.

Just when I was thinking about this, I received a letter written by the late Dr. Wayne W. Dyer in a newsletter from the Hay House;

“Someone says something to you that you find offensive, and rather than opting for resentment, you are able to depersonalize what you’ve just heard and respond with kindness. You would rather be kind than right. ”

“If you are going to pursue revenge, you’d better dig two graves.”-A Chinese proverb

“If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept that gift, to whom does the gift belong? Why would I allow something that belongs to someone else to be a source of my resentment? ” -An enlightened master

“As the title of a popular book says, What you think of me is none of my business.”

Thank you Dr. Dyer. I’m becoming more and more comfortable being myself. I know I am loved!